Grieve. Honor. & Reflect.

May is my month to…

To grieve.

To honor.

And to reflect.

Grieve…

I grieve the life I thought I would live.

I grieve not being able to grow old with my husband.

I grieve being pregnant twice and never getting to take maternity pictures.

I grieve never having a baby shower.

I grieve never experiencing a golden hour with my babies.

I grieve never knowing what it feels like to raise my children in a two-parent home filled with love and shared responsibilities.

I grieve being the only one having to shoulder the responsibility of raising a child with complex medical needs.

I grieve never being able to feel carefree and unbothered again.

Honor…

It’s an honor to have been a main character in the final chapters of my husband’s earthly journey.

It’s an honor to carry on the legacies of my son and my husband.

It’s an honor to have held my Vinson at the end of his life.

It’s an honor to raise Kolin earth side.

It’s an honor to share our family’s story with the world.

I honor every version of Ashley that survived the unimaginable.

Reflect…

I reflect on the journey that brought me to this moment in time.

I reflect on how much I have grown… and how much Kolin has grown.

I reflect on the things I have built from the ashes of everything I have lost.

I reflect on all of the love that has been poured into Kolin and me over the years.

I reflect on the reality that I survived my husband and my son dying four years apart.

And I reflect on the fact that I’m still here.

And that I’m still standing…..