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I have a friend who always asks if I’m excited about an upcoming event or opportunity. She is always surprised when I respond with a simple, “No.” It’s not that I’m ungrateful. It’s not that I don’t recognize the opportunity. It’s not that I don’t want  to be excited. It’s that excitement costs too much. In time . In energy. In brain space. And those are resources I don’t have in abundance. It’s hard to explain this life as a medical mama to someone who has never lived it.

I left my fulltime NP position in April of 2023 It was my first job out of NP school And it was a job that I prayed for… I left because during the 4.5 years I was there, life kept crashing into me. I gave birth to Kolin in 2019 at 25 weeks and he stayed in the NICU for 6 months. And I returned to work 2 months into his NICU stay. I juggled seeing patients, pumping, and calling Kolin’s NICU for updates.  I worked 4 ten-hour shifts and visited Kolin 2 hours away on my “off” day